On Parties

What do you do for fun in a foreign country? Well, some days you can go hiking in a park, visit ancient palaces, or look at cultural curio shops. However, you can not do those things every weekend. So, what do you do when you can’t do touristy things. Well, that’s easy…alcohol and alcohol related activities.

After getting off of work at 9 p.m. on Friday, my roommate suggested going out to a live music event at a bar in the nearby town of Ilsan. I had never been to the town or the bar before, but it was quite a bit of fun.

The event was located at a German bar, Brau Hoffen (there is an umlaut in the Brau and possibly the Hoffen, but I’m too lazy to search for the double dot thing). The bands (there were about 4 of them) were all Filipino. I’m not exactly sure how many bands there were because they all looked the same. And, that is not a comment on Filipinos all looking the same. The bands literally looked very similar (I have a feeling they were a family group). Anyways, they played a variety of Korean and American music. The American music was from the 80’s and later. The Black Eyed Peas, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Justin Timberlake were a few of the artists covered. The variety was actually pretty good and the bands did a good job overall. Although, all of the girls with the exception of one were just eye candy rather than good singers. The exception was still eye candy, but at least she had good pipes as well.

So, there in Ilsan, Korea, there were 8 westerners drinking beer out of gigantic beer glasses (I mean these things were literally 3 feet tall and those were for one person; okay, well, I don't drink beer, but I had some comparatively pathetic glasses of gin and tonic) listening to a Filipino band playing American music in a German bar…only in Korea.

After getting home at nearly 5 o’clock in the morning, I had just enough time to go to sleep for a couple of hours before it was off to a Korean wedding… Ahh, wonderful life in Korea.

--Matthew

On 101 Things You Should Know About Korea

1. Kimchi exists solely as a way to prove that you are, in fact, Korean.

2. If you are a woman, you may never ever put your purse on the ground. And, if you sit down in a chair, putting your purse behind the small of your back is perfectly acceptable. The fact that this seems to cause back pain does nothing to downplay the belief that the ground may have some form of Ebola or another deadly disease that must be avoided at all cost. And, death to the foreigner who is asked to carry a purse and mistakenly puts it on the round for a second. Holy Toledo Batman!!

3. Speaking of Batman...my Korean name is Koko Bat-uh-man. Best name ever. Although, the phonetic translation of my name is something like "most excellent doctor" which is just so freaking true in my own mind.

4. Baseball teams all have players with Korean names (even the Westerners), but all the team names are in English. Why? Who knows...

5. Two channels on television are permanently dedicated showing Counter Strike and Warcraft (old school) tournaments. For those not in the know, those are computer games.

6. No matter how much your roommate insists that it is true, do not believe it when he tells you that the proper way to say goodbye when leaving a store is to say, "nigga-say-yo". Although, it was worth a good racist-implied laugh.

7. Speaking of racist terms...what is a "gook"? Well, I'm one. I'm a "wae-gook" (foreigner) and Koreans are "Han-gook".

8. Having resided in Alaska for a year before heading over here, I feel it is bloody hot at the current level of 60 degrees F. Although, the Koreans have not hit their threshold for the word, hot, yet, I have still found funny things about their attitudes about dealing with heat. "Fan Death" is one such thing. Koreans believe that if you go to sleep with a fan on in your room that there is a good possibility of you not waking again in the morning. It has something to do with the fan blowing away your body heat and you dying from the cold. I'm not exactly sure how they survive through the summer without a fan on at night and with air conditioning being a non-existent commodity it living quarters. According to some of the Korean teachers at work, I am extremely lucky to have survived with a fan on in my room every single night since I've been here.

9. I'm not going to be able to explain about their belief that blood types determine a person's personality because, frankly, I'm not really sure beyond that. However, one of my co-workers claims that it is a fact that 75% of all convicted felons have Type-B blood. She has yet to claim my offer of 50,000 won ($50) for providing scientific proof that that is true.

10. The same girl that told me about the Type-B felons asked me, what my blood type was? I have absolutely no idea, which I think amazes all of the Koreans that have asked me that question (it's actually pretty common). Right after asking though, she said, "That is a come-on". Her English is limited, so I'm not really sure if she was making a pass at me or if she just found "come-on" in her idiom dictionary and wanted to try it out. Who knows, maybe it was a missed opportunity on my part.

11. Envelopes have lick able glue on them right? Apparently not. You must either use a glue stick or tape to close an envelope, but you can have fun disgusting your co-workers by testing the envelope with your tongue to see if it does or does not have glue.

12. When walking down the street, Koreans who are sick, avoiding sickness, or avoiding Yellow Dust (Chinese pollution) will often times wear big blue face masks (these things make doctor's masks look small), but they will think nothing about pulling the mask down just enough to take a draw on their cigarette.

13. If the blue masks weren't bad enough, nothing beats the joggers' sun-visors that hang down in a pretty good parody of a Darth Vader mask.

14. Touching food with your hands is a terrible travesty, but walking past a guy peeing in the corner of the subway station is pretty much par for the course.

15. There are no garbage cans in public!!!

16. A bottle of Soju can get you pretty much wasted for $2. And, $1.50 for a Coca-Cola can make the taste almost tolerable. But, passing up your Soju to the girl who hired you is absolutely priceless.

17. There seems to be just about two variations of foreigners out here. First is the foreigner who is drunk. Second is the foreigner who is hungover.

18. Number 17 seems to apply to a lot of Koreans as well.

19. Koreans kids can be little s____, just like American kids.

20. For the first little while, its true THEY all look the same. However, they will say the same thing about you (just ask).

21. A Korean girl speaking with a British accent is annoying. Although, she's my noona ("older sister").

22. Said girl says she is born and raised in Korea, but even I catch some of her mistakes in Korea. I think she's a Russian spy personally.

Well 101 questions was quite a task and I got to 22, so I failed, but I will write some more later. Korea is still awesome. Peace out for now.

--Matthew

On Hiking

So, I haven't posted in a bit. However, I've been here over four weeks and just about one month. I am starting to recognize Korean words as words and not just pure gibberish. That doesn't mean I actually understand much, just that I am differentiating words. So, that's top notch.
Yesterday (Tuesday), my company had a day off from work. Why? I don't know and I don't as much care...it was a day off work!! Well, it was probably much harder than a day of work, but still a break from classes in the middle of the week was pretty cool. As a treat, the school set up a day trip out to Mu-ee Island. And, wait for it...I took pictures. These are the first pictures I've taken in Korea.

4 of the foreign teachers and 10 of the Korean teachers and staff signed up to go on this excursion. It meant getting up early (8:30) in the morning which wasn't all that much fun (I usually get up at 10 or 11). Then it was a long walk out to school (2 minutes). The school provided a bus and a driver to drive us (40 minutes) out to the ferry. And, then it was a very long ferry ride (10 minutes) out to Mu-ee Island (in the West Sea). Okay, so, it really wasn't all that bad and by 10:30 or so. The fun had started. Four of the Korean teachers went straight to the beach...I'm not sure why because it was cold by there standards and I saw no skin from any of them (the foreign teachers, including yours truly, were all in shorts and t-shirts, although I was the only one who stayed that way the whole day). What do you do for 3 hours on a beach without sunbathing? I don't know.

Anyways, the rest of the group skipped the beach for a bit and went hiking. Here's part of the trail. I did see a few signs that helped me estimate that it was about a 5 kilometer hike (maybe, 3 miles). It was up a "mountain" (it MAY have been 1000 feet or maybe a bit more). I consider that a hill, not even a foothill. Anyways, this picture was actually on the way down, but it was on the worst part of the trail. The rest was more like the next picture.



Like I said, the Koreans thought it was winter or something, long sleeves and jeans and sweaters for when they stop hiking for too long. It is craziness. It was probably about 55 F and really sunny. Back to hiking, this slight incline and easy trail covered 80% of the climb. I could have gotten a better picture of the trail, but I didn't so this is it. Anyways along the way up. Ann, in the picture to the left, was giving me some Korean alphabet lessons (Hangul is the name for the Korean alphabet).



So, here is the marker at the top of the trail. Of the two names in the center, the one on the right spells out So-Mu-Ee-Do (I'm spelling that phonetically). Basically each vertical set of characters is a syllable (not necessarily a letter). For instance, the first syllable has an "s" sound on top and a long "o" sound on bottom. Next is the "m" and "u", then a long "e", and, finally, a "d" and a long "o". Anyways, welcome to Hangul 101. It is actually a fairly easy language to pick up, if you can hear the difference between a couple of vowel sounds and some consonants that roll the "r" and "l" sound together and so on. I can not do those things on the fly as yet, but I'm working on it.

Here are some random pictures on the hike down the hill:




























After hiking for about 3 hours, we made it to the beach. Where we saw this:













Are they some of the first regular sized houses that I've seen in Korea? Well, yes, kind of. They are actually for a famous Korean television show, which had all the Koreans doing this:


Alright, I have a better video with all of them jump-posing, but it is longer and I'd have to edit it, and I'm just lazy at the moment.

Moving on, mid-afternoon lunch consisted of clams roasted over coals in the middle of the table (mmm...), kimchi (of course), some pancake/pizza like thing with seafood (it was actually better than it sounds), clam/noodle soup (really good), some more clams boiling in some kimchi soup mix (I think), pork strips over the coals, and, of course, beer and soju (Korean national alcohol). Soju will knock you flat pretty easily, but it comes in a beer sized bottle for about 2 dollars. So, what do cheap booze, the beach and a sunny day bring about? Nudity? Mud wrestling? Hmm??

No, no...we all played kickball. The rules were pretty much the same with a few differences. I played center field and went 7 for 7. I hit for the cycle (1 home run, 1 triple, 2 double, 3 singles). I still have mad skills (ok, kickball is a little easier since I didn't hit a homerun in baseball after the first year that I played, but whatever). My team still lost, but hey what can you do?

After a fun game of kickball, it was decided that it was time to go. Frankly, I think we got the last ferry back to the mainland. So, I'm not sure as we had a choice. Anyways, that is how this particular Korean Hogwan takes a company trip. All in all, it was well worth it and a good way to kick off my second month in Korea.

--Matthew

P.S. The pictures and the words don't quite go the way I want them to, but whatever, there are pictures and that's something.

On Octupi and Bongs

Day 9-12 (3/29/2008)—

So, teaching English has its ups and downs, but life in Korea is crazy. Last night, Vivi (my Korean third to immediate supervisor, that’s higher than just an immediate supervisor) took all of the foreign teachers out to dinner as a welcome dinner to me and a thank you dinner to all of the others who have been taking on extra shifts because of the person (psycho) I was replacing. I frankly thought I had already had the welcoming dinner, but, hey, I’m not going to turn down free food.

As my last class ends at 9 p.m. (I start at 3 in the afternoon), I am one of the last ones to make it to Shabu-Shabu. It was interesting. It was the first buffet-style meals that I have seen in Korea (as if I can speak from less than 2 weeks of experience). As with a few other places, you pretty much cook your own meal right there on the table. The buffet just provides the raw ingredients (and I do mean raw). Luckily for me it was seafood and I LOVE seafood. Of course, it is Korea…my first thing to throw on my plate was 3 bite-sized octopi (I’m an octopus virgin, but I have to try it once), 4 shrimp (eyes, antennae, feet, everything), and to top it all off, there was some type of fish…I couldn’t really tell what it was because it had obviously been hacked up from a whole fish (the teeth were still there for sure).

Once I get these items back to the table, they all go into a communal pot which is boiling in the center of the table. Vivi (being a native Korean) had arrived late and had a bit of an OCD moment about how us foreigners had prepared (or in our case, not prepared the water with the right garnishments) and ordered a new pot of water. Luckily, I did rescue two of the octopi (cooked) and found them a new home in my belly. They were okay. They’re texture is a bit chewy, but the taste has a bit of a tang to it (probably because I was supposed to remove some guts, but didn’t know better, *shrug*). I also got some shrimp which I ate happily. They were good. I never saw the fish parts with the teeth after they went in the water. So, I’m still just calling it fish.

When Vivi took over the process of boiling, I had already kind of called it a night in terms of eating, anyways…I’m not a huge eater at 10 o’clock at night. So, I nibbled on some beef strips, but didn’t go hog-wild. Of course, there was ice cream that was tasty (just chocolate); there is always room for ice cream.

Being Korea (as we’re not exactly a 9-5 working group), after dinner we went out for some more ice cream (at the very exotic…Baskin Robbins). And, then we hopped on over to the Nori-Bong. Now, I had been told that a Nori-Bong was like Karaoke. Which is something I haven’t ever done in the States, but I was expecting something with a bar full of people and some awful singers getting up to the mike.

No, no…a Nori-Bong is a private room where your group gets to sit down (or stand up and sing Karaoke style to each other). I, of course, being the new guy, got to sing the first song. Johnny B. Goode was my choice. Why? I’m a nerd and I was thinking of Back to the Future earlier in the day.

Let’s just say first off, I am the world’s worst singer. And, that is when I am having a good day. However, I have been feeling under the weather…so, I sound like I have a frog in my throat even without singing. I was bad, but whatever…half the group was plastered. So, who knows how I sounded.

Just as a side note. Soju is the Korean version of vodka (it tastes like watered-down vodka, but give it a few minutes and it will hit you hard). I’ve tried enough of it to be wary of the stuff. It does alright as a mixer, but I wouldn’t do it for the taste alone.

After about an hour or two of listening to each other sing (and watching a few folks dance drunkenly on the table, someone should have seriously broken out a pole), we all went our separate ways. Some were still going out for more alcohol…I was going home; it was about one o’clock in the morning in Gimpo-Si. As I was walking around a corner, I noticed a barbershop poll spinning on one of the buildings. That kind of reminds me that I need a trim. Anyways, off to bed.

--Matthew

P.S. My roommate informed me this morning that the spinning barber shop poll actually signals a whorehouse. That would have been a heck of an interesting request for a haircut.

On Observations and Practice

Day 6-8 (3/25/2008)—

So, I just passed my one week mark in Korea. And, why did I come here? To teach English? Well, why hasn’t there been a post on teaching? Well, stop wondering! Here goes. Note: the use of Day 1, Day 2, Day 3-5, etc. has the appearance of an attempt at timeline continuity. It isn’t. I meander through life, why should my stories be any different?

My first week found my arrival on Monday night. Beginning on Tuesday and ending on Thursday, I had observations and training. I was basically watching the classes that I would be taking over beginning on Friday. Tuesday was filled with learning people’s names. There are 7 or 8 foreign teachers (hopefully, 7, but I’m still learning everyone’s names, so I could be forgetting someone). Mainly, the foreign teachers are comprised of Americans, one Brit, and one Canadian (speaking of Canadians…you know the only good thing about Canadians is that you can make fun of the French and Canadians at the same time). And, actually, 4 of the Americans are from Washington State. And, one went to the University of Washington at the same time that I did, but I did not know her at the time. The girl from UW is the head foreign teacher for the afternoon classes, which are primarily students that are past first grade (as apposed to the morning classes for preschool and kindergarten). So, she is my immediate supervisor.

My first day of observations feels a bit like being in a zoo. All of the teachers that I am observing have their students (soon to be my students) ask questions of me. 1) Where are you from? I always use the last place I was living…Alaska. Since, it would be hecka confusing to say Alaska via Washington via Georgia via Washington via Wisconsin via Georgia via a birth in Tennessee. Even I am confused and I know where I’ve lived. And, Alaska is exotic and a Korean vacation destination. So, it just makes me look cooler. 2) How old are you? I am 26, though I changed by the end of the day because by the Korean age standards, I am 28. I don’t know why yet, so don’t ask. Apparently though, I lost more than just one day passing over the International Date Line. 3) Do you have a girlfriend, a wife, or, one kid asked about, a boyfriend? No, no, and heck no. Just because I am thin? That was about all that happened my first day of observations that I can think about. I was still incredibly jetlagged at the time (I almost fell asleep starting about 2 hours before the last class; so I dug the head of my pen into my hand…it worked to keep me awake for another 15 minutes or so).

The next day brought more of the same. Me needing sleep and watching other teachers do there jobs. I might say that it was a good thing that I was only watching and did not actually have to teach, but then came Thursday. Ahh…yes, Thursday brought bad stuff for me.

Thursday was the first (and only) practice class for me. When I say practice, I mean I was standing up in front of a regular class of 6 students that I was not familiar with and giving a lesson to them while being watched by the UW head foreign teacher and two of the Korean academic directors. Well, the best I can say is that I kept talking through the lesson. Otherwise, I think I tanked it. Frankly, I felt bad for the kids. My language was not simple enough (partly because I was not familiar with their level and partly because I was being watched); my presentation was just boring; and I really was not able to get the kids involved in the material well enough (they didn’t trust me and I didn’t know them).

But not to worry…my first day of classes would begin the next day (Friday). How badly could I screw up my own classes? Well, I don’t know, I’m still reflecting on that. I’ll get back to you when I’ve reflected on it some more. For now, I’m off. Mainly, I just need to brush my teeth, my roommate brought home some corn tea. It was just about as disgusting as I thought it would be before I drank some. Even considering being in Korea, I have a feeling that was a “screw with the foreigners” drink.

--Matthew

On Martians

Day 3-5 (3/22/2008)—

What? What’s happening? I just opened my eyes and I have two Asian nurses standing in front of me. One is wrapping gauze and tape on my arm. The other is checking my blood pressure. I feel someone rubbing my shoulders. Yep, another Asian. Where am I? What happened? Is this the start of some kinky fantasy? No. Well, okay, maybe. However, it was not this time. No, I just forgot that I was in Korea.

Unfortunately, I was at the hospital for my medical check-up to qualify me for my Alien Registration Card. Ever since I was a kid, I have had the propensity to blackout when I get needles stuck in me (even though I can take 90 bee stings on one day and willingly go back and get 90 more bee stings the next day with no fear, go figure). And, unfortunately, when you register as an alien here, they draw like a liter of blood. Okay, I really have no knowledge of the metric system, though I am learning. I know it is wussy to admit it, but, yes, I blacked out in the hospital in Gimpo during my alien registration exam. It blew monkey chunks.

So, I got my alien registration exam. I met John at the school on Wednesday morning. John is the school’s go-to-guy. Just as an aside, everyone at the school has an English name. John is Korean and born and raised in Incheon. He speaks English pretty well, but conversation is definitely limited. He is the one you call if your apartment has a problem and he takes care of the Alien Registration process for the school. Sometimes what John does seems to be in the realm of the school’s handyman, but he is definitely more than just a blue collar worker. Well, I can not really think of him that way because of his immaculately clean suits. But, then everyone wears a suit. I am pretty sure that if I ever (I haven’t yet) see a homeless bum over here…they will be wearing a freshly pressed suit as well. However, John has a college degree and such and his duties include much more than just fix-it stuff (is it weird that the guy who worked at Home Depot for a couple of years after getting his B.A. is using a degree to imply someone is above manual labor?). It just happens to be that all the times in which I interact with him involve apartment fixing or chauffeuring.

Anyways, John told me the night before to meet him at the school on Wednesday morning. He specifically said we were going to the hospital, which I had known, in advance, was coming and stated, “Matt, only water…you be empty…”, while gesturing to his stomach. I was dead tired at the time or I would have said to him that he meant “hungry”, but I understood his meaning anyways. So, the next morning he took me to the hospital and we went station hopping. Pretty much every test was done by a separate nurse or doctor. First, the blood pressure. I was a super high 130/80 (well, it is super high for me, considering I am usually 100/60), but then I was in a bloody hospital. I have a feeling that a vast majority of heart attacks (okay, I first wrote MIs there) that occur in hospitals occur because YOUR IN A FREAKING HOSPITAL! Second, I had a hearing test, which I passed because it was easy and I could see which button the nurse was pushing so I knew which ear the sound was supposed to be going to. Third, a dentist looked at my teeth. My teeth aren’t that great, but I don’t have any contagious diseases in there, so I am not sure what the Korean government cares about that for. Fourth, a nurse drew my blood. My Korean pocket dictionary doesn’t cover “blackout” and it is difficult to discuss possibilities with a limited English speaker. So, that was embarrassing. Fifth, I gave a urine sample. Nope, despite rumors, I do not do drugs and never have. Sixth, I had an X-Ray of my upper torso. Finally, some doctor poked at my hands (they were a deathly gray color still from the blackout) and signed off on my medical form.

Fast forward to Friday. After getting my certification of good health back, John and I drove (well, he drove) to Incheon to the Alien Registration Office. They accepted me as a Martian and now once they send me my actual card back I can get a bank account (no more drug dealer cash bundles hidden in my apartment, thanks), good internet (at the moment, limited to school and a very bad hotspot connection at home), and possibly even a scooter (not a Vespa because they are pansy, but some cool Korean scooter (it’ll probably named Vespa, but written in Hangul (as long as I don’t know, right?))) if I am feeling ballsy. Note: you know you’re a wandering mind when you find it completely normal that I used three sets of parentheses when talking about that scooter.

So, all that was to explain why I said I was going to the hospital. I am still feeling well. Though, I have a slightly sore throat. I hope I did not catch tonsillitis from the girl who had it at work. I am praying that I didn’t. And, no, I have not swapped spit with her or anything…before anyone asks.

--Matthew

On Hunger

Day 2 (March 19, 2008)—

The morning brought hunger. The one thing that is sure to drive you from the comfort of your bed is hunger (or being sick, but that has not come…yet). So, I got up in the morning and took a shower in the indentation in the bathroom floor. No, it is not the toilet. However, it does not really seem big enough for taking a bath nor does it have a shower curtain for blocking water. So, I am kind of forced to stoop down or kneel and turn on the water, and use my body to block the spray of the water from shooting out onto the bathroom floor. There is a drain in the floor of the bathroom, but I have been trained well by my mother to not get the bathroom floor flooded with water. I might have to get used to the idea, but I am not there yet. So, I will continue to stoop.

Oh, yes, back to the hunger. I was not really sure where to go eat. My roommate was not back yet from his long weekend. So, I walked out into this new place, for the first time without any guides. Alright, it is not like navigating through a minefield. Well, it might be, but I do not know the Korean word for “mine”, so I hope not. Anyways, I left the apartment to find some food. Both of the places that I went the night before were closed. Although, I could not really find one for sure, I am sure I passed it, but I did not recognize it in the daylight. However, one of the girls the previous night had mentioned a good bakery that I did see in my travels around the block (or two).

The bakery was obviously used to serving English teachers (there are a number of English teaching schools in the area). All of the signs were in Hangul and English. So, I got a cream cheese-filled croissant and a chicken donut-looking thing. The chicken was infused inside of the donut-thing (no, it was not sweet; it just reminded me of a donut). I went back to my apartment to eat. The chicken-donut was good. It was a bit spicy, but there was some substance to it. The croissant, on the other hand, was tasty in so far as the bread was concerned, but cream cheese? I don’t think so. I am not a huge fan of cream cheese in the first place, but this was really funny tasting. I still gutted it out because…well, I am in a foreign country and I might as well eat everything. I just hope it was not bad…though, I have not had any ill-effects, yet. *Cross my fingers*

My roommate showed up a few hours later. He is the British guy, which was pretty easy to guess without ever talking to him. There are English flag pillows and posters and such scattered around the apartment. Overcompensation, anyone? Well, he is a nice guy, nonetheless. Though at times, I can understand as much from Koreans as from him. I am not sure whether we actually speak the same language all the time, but I only have to ask him to repeat something every 10 words instead of every other word. It works out somehow.

The school has lunch at noon, which is free for teachers and students. It is a bit of a stretch to call me a teacher as of yet. However, stretch it I did. Because, as you can tell this day was about food. I am not sure what the food was except for the rice. The meat was chicken, I think. I am maybe sixty percent certain about that. There was also some sweet root dish. I was told it was a root of some kind by one of the other foreign teachers. It was all pretty good. I am still working on getting the chopsticks down, but I am refusing to use the spoon in any situation where I would generally use a fork. So, I go on with chopstick survival camp.

Alright, well, I wrote a long blog yesterday and this one is fairly lengthy. So, I will just say that yesterday was also my first day of training. However, I will gather my thoughts about it and write something tomorrow, hopefully. And, I have a doctor’s appointment in a bit that I have to go to. It blows, I know.

--Matthew